FYI Ashland

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Are these people your co-workers?

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We all have co-workers that annoy us. It is just a reality of the work place. While these people are nice, they are annoying. Do I annoy them? Oh yeah without a doubt, but at least I am aware that I do.

Let’s begin with…

Guy who thinks she is smart, when in reality he is the very embodiment of stupidity:

This guy never says an intelligent thing, never. In fact everything he says is wrong. He thinks he is funny, but everyone is laughing at him not with him. This guy always says “you know what I mean? No, no I don’t because everything you say is illogical, it is not rooted in fact and you just talk so you can hear your voice, now please do not sit by me when I am outside.

Old guy that wants to tell you nuggets of wisdom:

I have respect for my elders but you know what I can figure life out on my own. Please refrain my giving me advice. Why? Because we both work at the same place, making the same pay and doing the same job. We are equals. I don’t want to hear about how many different cobblers you made over the summer. I like cake!

Young 21 year old with all the answers:

I was this guy, now I’m older. When he talks I smile because I would have said the exact same thing when I was his age. He has it all figured out. He gives me advice about women, which is funny because he is a boy.

The incompetent guy on every level guy:

This guy can’t find the bathroom when he is in there. He doesn’t do his job right, he takes too many breaks and yet, yet somehow never gets caught and gets promoted. America is doomed.

Guy that complains about his wife to me:

Sorry you are in a loveless marriage, most people are. If your wife is so bad get a divorce. His rants are funny and sad, mostly funny because I am so glad I’m not married and can do what I want. I am his therapist and I just nod when he says “I gotta get out of this” or “last night I talked to a hooker, she was nice.”

The grizzled guy:

He’s seen it all, he hates me, his life, his job, he has a full beard and smokes 1000 cigarettes a day. He is my favorite because he scowls all day. His frown muscles could pull a tractor trailer.

The super nice guy that might be a serial killer:

He colors pictures at work, he smiles a lot but push him too far and you head will be on a stick in his room right under his Metallica poster. I do not fear him, but I wouldn’t want to meet him in a dark alley

The emo/sad guy:

He says life is unfair….Shut up!

The nerd who will surpass me and be my boss:

He’s good at everything. I can’t compete with him. He got a promotion before anyone, but will he ever be happy?

The new cute girl:

All the guys see her and say “who’s that.” Then it is a race to see who can hit on her first. This girl only wants a guy that truly wants to get to know her, or a guy with a new motor cycle.

The guy with the bad attitude that only does this job for a paycheck. He has sites set on something greater, and refuses to give up on his dreams:

This is me. I don’t mind working but I’ve never had a job I enjoyed. I refused to believe that a job has to be soulless and mindless. Most jobs are temporary for me because as soon as I find something better I quit. I’m not a bad employee but I do have a bad attitude at work, but I also am well liked I’m funny and sassy.

Old 50 year old woman who yells at clouds:

She is bitter. Her best days are behind her. She loathes her life and she will bring anyone down to her level. At one point you liked her until she said “why is the music you listen too so vulgar, it’s gross!” That was the last day you talked to her, she yells at babies too.

The video game guy:

He his nice but talks about things you don’t understand. Every reference he talks about is about a video game. He needs a girlfriend but would rather have a PS3, oh and he loves to listen to Metal. He plays air guitar.

The cocky guy who has an undeserved sense of accomplishment:

He struts around the office, he thinks he is charming but he is repulsive. Women don’t like him because he says creepy things. Guys don’t like him because he flexes in the bathroom. He needs taken down a peg, but he won’t be. It’s better to leave him alone because he cries himself to sleep.

The guy who brags about how many drugs he does:

He asks me “Have you ever done horse tranquilizers?” I respond with “No, I’m a human.” He then gasps and shakes his head in disbelief “Dude you gotta try them, they are amazing.” Can I get a double YIKES?

Drama girl:

She comes to work crying. She tells me about her boyfriend and how bad he is, and then she cries. The candy dish is empty, she cries. She exhausts me. The only good thing about her is that she makes my life look great. She is cute but there are so many red flags about her I think I won’t talk to her anymore, and that makes her cry.

The guy that can’t get a break in life:

He is nice, a good worker, he tries hard and life does nothing but grind him into oblivion. I feel bad for him. He deserves better. No matter what he does he fails. The drama girl asks him out, DEAR GOD NOOOO!